Place where there are no words

I run a successful massage therapy practice. I help people heal. All my wildest dreams are coming true. My blessings are many, my fears are few. I shed that which no longer serves me as I embrace all that is new. All this comes from a place deep within me, a place for which I have no words. These words before me could not possibly begin to paint a picture of that which is overflowing in my heart, spirit, and soul. This place for which no words exist is available to all of us. What message does this place of silence have for you?

Lessons in Healing

As I took off on my new path toward the healing arts, I started practicing Reiki daily. About 5 days into my new "daily" practice, I met the spirit that would be come my new Reiki Teacher. I met her in mid-April, I'd say. She told me of a Level II attunement she'd be holding at the end of May and offered for me to join. I knew if I wanted to join, I would need to continue with the daily practice I had sought out on and continued practicing - mostly on myself, but sometimes on Syd and Lyd.

So, throughout the foot process, I have been practicing Reiki daily -- prior to surgery, following surgery, prior to the stitches being removed ... you get the picture. Having the stitches removed envoked a terrbile burning, pulling, stretching sensation. The nurse started at the bottom of my wound and worked her way toward the top; being patient with me along the way. As we got to the middle of the wound, there was a particularly painful stitch. I asked the nurse to move up the toe and come back for that one later after she tried it twice to no avail (and plenty of pain). As she moved on to the subsequent stitches, I kept deep breathing, praying and saying to myself, (outloud, no less) “It will be over in a few seconds, It will be over in a few seconds”… Instead of really feeling through the pain and the experience, I was wishing it away…

Only I would not know this until several days later.

One night, following the stitches removal, I was practicing Reiki on myself as I drifted off to sleep (such is a normal occurrence for me). In a moment of intuition, I decided to allow any leftover pain in my foot leave me. No sooner was the intention completed, I felt this burning sensation by my big toe knuckle – the same painful sensation I’d had during the removal of the “worst” stitch. The burning felt much like it did that day; it was almost like I was reliving it. I worked through it (it even made me break a sweat) and eventually drifted off to sleep. I didn’t think too much about it until I was with my Reiki Teacher on the day of my Level II attunement.

On the day of the attunement, I showed up early (or, on time, as it were) and was blessed with time to download with my Reiki Teacher – sharing with her about my surgery, the pain, etc., and how I felt about some of the different aspects of my healing process. I told her about the pain I experienced when the stitches were removed and how the nurse was very patient with me. I also shared with her my decision to let go of the pain in the foot during a self Reiki session and told her how it was like I was reliving the experience. (ps.. I'd never opened myself up to this type of healing before, it was a Divine instinct to even try it) She acknowledged my experience and shared a couple insights with me.

First she spoke of really feeling the pain. This immediately grabbed my attention – when the stitches were removed, I was so worried about controlling my emotions and not crying (yes, crying), I didn’t really feel the pain… When I “relived” the pain, I actually felt through it (all of it) and I was able to let it go.

Then my Teacher told me about how one can have a relationship with the pain – such as what can I learn from the pain/experience or what does the pain have to tell me?

Since the removal of the stitches, the eventual healing experience, and the subsequent conversation with my Reiki Teacher, I have had appointments that challenged my nerves, patience, ability to stay present in the moment, and willingness to feel any "pain" that may erupt. And I have to say, I am pretty proud of what I’ve learned about myself and how far I’ve come.

I am an emotional being. That may never change. And I am not going to change that about myself to “fit in” or to not make someone else uncomfortable (e.g., nurse, doctor, practitioner). The experience is my soul's experience – to be experienced how no other soul would. And I've decided I am no longer going to censor myself or my emotions for the sake of things of the ego (embarrassment, pride, to name two) or to presumably ensure someone else's comfort. My feelings and emotions deserve expression just the same as the next person’s.

It is my intention that people who Enter My Room will be able to express themselves; that I may create a safe space for them to be and to possibly even heal.

Archangel Raphael has been so wonderful to come to my side each time I have asked him to (my freewill) throughout this journey. I haven't had a consistent relationship with him for many years, but the last 6 months of my life have been so rich, rewarding and healing with him by my side. Again, I know I am on the right path - a path full of lessons in (and opportunities for) healing.

Namaste’,
Shanna

What's in a book?

For some reason, months ago, I started recording Season 25: Oprah Behind the Scenes. I am not even sure why I started DVR’ing it; and it did not become apparent until four days ago… The episodes I happened to DVR have enlightened my journey. I have had a few glimpses of the pathways I will use to offer healing touch therapies to the Greater Baton Rouge community, but the bar continues to rise; the ideas continue to flood in. And, at this part in the process, I am grateful for Oprah’s shows because she has inspired me to raise the bar and take in new information in order to truly envision and prepare for all that is before me.

In my previous blog, I mentioned Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor; I found out about her on Oprah.com’s Soul Series webcasts. At first I was intrigued just reading the story about the lady and her stroke and what the symptoms were… And then I came to the part where she discussed the attitude and energy of her nurses and caretakers. She discussed how important it was to her to be surrounded with positive individuals who offered presence and sympathy while she was healing; she was convinced it was an integral part of her ability to heal.

In the webcast, she briefly introduced why she decided to become a brain scientist and what she had to go through to contact someone to help her (she couldn’t dial 911) and I was hooked. Of course as I continued to read the transcript of the webcast, I learned of her book, My Stroke of Insight – A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey, and I instantly wanted to read it.

At times, I am not sure why I am drawn to a book, but sometimes it just happens. And of course, sometimes I think I’m reading a book for this reason, or that, but ultimately it ends up being a completely different reason. For this book, I am interested in the technical information contained in it (put into a layperson’s language) but also because she speaks of the serenely right-brained experience she had when she had her stroke – a supremely spiritual experience that allowed her to be and exist. I received the book a couple days ago (I borrowed it from the library) and started reading it that night. The information on the front of the book cover alludes to the fact that she is going to share with us how to live in the right-brained experience without having to endure a stroke like she did – I hope it “delivers”. Cheers!

Recounting the Day of Foot Surgery

The morning of the surgery, I was set to wake up at 4:30am to have some toast, jelly, and water. Only, around 4:10am, I woke up and had to rush to the bathroom. When I got to the other side of the house, I was faint, weak, and started hearing the tunnel closing in on me. I hollered to Lydia and asked her to come help me and bring me a cool cloth, etc. I was eventually able to get through the faint feelings and have a little food and fall back asleep to try to shorten the food-deprived day ahead of me.

Fast forward to around noon; I was starving, tired, nervous, and just really wanted to put this all behind me. When we finally go to the back and talk with the nurse who was going to put in my IV, the nerves really started kicking in. Leading up to this day, of course I was nervous, anxious, didn’t know what to expect. The nurse who put in my IV couldn’t have said it better, “We all feel this way when things are beyond our control.” At the time, I did not realize it, but that it exactly what a good chunk of the anxiety was about on the day of the surgery. I knew deep in me everything’d be okay; I prayed for Divine guidance for the doctors, nurses, me, Lydia, I trusted it was all going to be better in the end. But the process was still nerve-wracking. That nurse, Crystal, was very caring and let me have my process and work through it, while being kind and compassionate at the same time. I remember wishing and wanting after Izzo’s Illegal Burrito nachos. I kept telling Lydia that’s what I wanted to eat for dinner.

The person who put the betadine/iodine on my leg and foot and wrapped it up was rather mechanical/technical and came in to the room, did her task, and left.

Laurie, the nurse that would be with me during the surgery and the nurse anesthesiologist, Jodie, were kind and gentle with me. They introduced themselves and were friendly but factual. After they got done asking questions and telling me stuff, they asked me if I had any questions, and I, jokingly, said, “When can I eat???” They didn’t get it, but Lydia did, and for me, I decided I’d make humor out of it instead of crying…

As I was rolled to the operating room, my teeth were chattering and I had a thin blanket and sheet on top of me. I was very nervous about the IV in my left hand even though it finally wasn’t stinging anymore. When it was time to move from my gurney to the operating table (thank goodness they had a sheet on the stainless steel table), nurse Laurie asked me to move over, and I was almost paralyzed with the thought of trying to use my left hand to get onto the table; she reassured me the needle was out of the IV and it wouldn’t hurt, so I trusted her and moved over. Then she came back with another warm blanket and peeled back the other covers I had and placed it closest to my gown-covered ffrigid body, then added the others back.

The next thing I remember Jodie was at my head and told me she’d be at my head during the entire surgery monitoring me. She said she’d be putting a tube down my throat and it might be a little sore following surgery, then she told me she’d given me something to help relax me, and did I feel it – needless to say, that was the last thing I remember from the operating room.

When I “came to”, I was in a big room with lots of curtains in it; the nurse Traci that was with me was kind of mechanical, bored, and seemed to be short with me. Of course, I was still “out of it”, so my perception may be a little off, but I tend to trust my gut and intuition and it seemed to me she was “just doing her job”… I remember early on having a horrible itch in the middle of my splint mid-way down my leg and asking her, “Do you have a pencil or something I can use to itch it??” She was very matter of fact with me and told me I couldn’t stick anything down my splint, which was totally okay. I remember asking her a lot of questions and she just kept giving me answers, and at some point, I remember acknowledging this fact and she actually said some patients ask more questions than I was asking.

As I laid there a few more minutes, Traci asked me if I wanted a nerve block. I remembered Ang telling me about this earlier, and I told the nurse I would do whatever she recommended. As I talked with her, in my anesthesia-induced state, I found out from her that I’d need less pain medication if I took the nerve block. So I decided to do it. Next thing I remember, there was a guy at my left leg poking around. I asked him what his name was, because he did not introduce himself to me at all. He said his name was Dr. Chapman. He poked around on the back side of my knee for a little bit (it hurt, I am not going to lie), and then when he found some specific nerve or something, he started banging on the bottom of my left foot with his left hand; I guess seeing if it was the right nerve, or seeing if I could still feel it, I am not sure. Just as swiftly as he was there, he was gone.

Then Lydia joined me. I was so glad to see her and the thoughts of nachos were so far gone from my mind. I was slurping down apple juice and trying to stay awake; a technician came and said she’d pick up my prescriptions if we wanted her to. The pain was pretty bad and a new nurse gave me some Tylox with my saltine crackers and apple juice. Before I knew it, I was being wheeled to the outside of the building and loaded into the back of the Venza. We ordered sweet potatoes and rolls from Texas Roadhouse and drove over to pick them up; I was feeling rather nauseous at this point. I had the window down and was trying to bite back the sensation. Finally, we arrived home; Lydia gave me my crutches and I emerged from the car; and almost immediately, I was really nauseous again. This time I knew I wasn’t going to be able to contain it. We managed to find a bucket outside in the carport and … I’ll spare you the details. Needless to say, I felt better after that. I was hungry for dinner (we had A1 Beef Roast I’d made in the crockpot the day before, garden-fresh green beans lightly steamed, and sweet potatoes) and the rest of the night is quite a blur.

While part of the aim of this post is to recount the day of my surgery, part of it is also to showcase how I feel about those in the healthcare/wellness field. What I really want to say is – your patients know when you’re checked-out and when you’re checked-in; they know if you are in there doing things mechanically; they know if you’re emitting healing, life-affirming energy or if you’re just there.

The energy of the nurses, doctor, and other personnel mattered. It absolutely mattered. There were nurses that I encountered on the surgery day who were just there, mechanical, looking at machines, numbers, paperwork; not even concerned there was a warm body in the room. Then there were nurses, anesthesiologists, etc., that acknowledged me (and my fears) and had compassion and empathy for where I was at the moment they were with me.

I read this on Oprah.com about a brain scientist who had a stroke and said this of her recovery process:
Jill says she could feel the energy of the people who walked in her room and could even tell which nurses made her feel safe. The nurses who would make a connection with her, simply by making eye contact or touching her foot, made all the difference. "As opposed to someone who just comes in, deals with the machinery, ignores that there's even a warm body in the bed," she says. "I didn't feel safe in that person's care." ~Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, brain scientist

When I read this passage, I instantly connected to it. I felt the same way about my surgery – I remember telling Lydia about the nurses who were nice and those who were just rather mechanical, checked-out, etc. – and I remember thinking at the time it was occurring: “Why are these people in this vocation if they have no bedside manner?” The idealist part of me has these thoughts. The logical side (and spiritual side) of me knows that the answer to that question is in the question – it’s not their vocation, their calling – it’s just what they do.

This whole process, this process of injuring my foot, living with pain for months, coming to the point of pre-surgery, getting through the surgery, and now truly on the other side of this process has changed me. Although I’d already decided to change my life and follow my calling, this “curve ball” has pushed me even further toward having the time to really determine what my calling is. And I know it may ultimately change/metamorphosize as I continue through my journey, I know that right now I am on the right path. I am called to help others facilitate healing within their own body, mind, and spirit. This foot journey has been a significant part of me accepting this.

Do you see me?

“Children are looking at what do you mean, what do you feel … does your face light up, do they know you’re really there?” ~ Toni Morrison

Oprah takes Toni Morrison’s question to the next level: “Everybody is looking to see, ‘Do you see me, Do you see me?’”

Do you really see me?

I have had a couple opportunities to live the “Enter My Room” lesson since writing my last blog. Something that has happened to me of late since not being able to place weight on my left foot; since the crutches, but especially since getting my little knee walker. People talk to me out of the blue – people that may otherwise not see me, caught in their own little world. They ask me a lot about my knee walker, it seems to open up conversation and sometimes the conversation moves onto other things.

Case in point, Sunday Lydia and I were out and about at our favorite place to get our vegetable plants – Naylor’s Hardware. As we were making our second pass at things (we’d already checked out but had forgotten to get our soil and amendments [read : chicken poop]), this couple noticed my knee walker and started asking me about it. Shortly thereafter, an older gentleman approached me and asked what had happened and who had performed my surgery. I told him who it was and where they were located and shared with him my high regard for the way I’d been treated at the Center. Eventually we got off topic and he started telling me about Bowen Therapy (of which I’d never heard) and on down the line we started talking about alternative healing, vitamins and minerals, and complementary therapies. It was most unusual to experience this and to go “there” with a perfect stranger so quickly.

We talked for a good bit – maybe 30 minutes – we talked of where he lives, my formal education, etc., and eventually he asked me what I do. I told him I’d been an environmental consultant for 4 years following grad school but now I am moving toward broadening my knowledge and experience in the healing arts.

We eventually exchanged names and phone numbers. I will be honest, I did not know if I’d hear from this person again, I didn’t even know that I was going to use the phone number to contact him. He shared some of the books he had in his vehicle with me, Beating Cancer with Nutrition and another one whose title escapes me right now. As we began to wrap up the conversation, he told me something to the effect of meeting me and me being on a different plane than most people when it came to all of this stuff.

Lydia patiently stood by until our conversation closed. Although a couple times thoughts entered my mind such as –it’s hot outside (at one point in the conversation, he suggested we move into the shade), my Lydia must be bored to tears, etc., -- I was able to bring myself back rather easily to the room. Back to BEing; ensuring I was present for this gentleman and present for myself.

This gentleman entered my room for a reason. He entered my life and has blessed it already. He called me a couple times last night and the second time I answered the phone (I didn’t recognize the number). It was rather late at night for me, but I really enjoyed the conversation – and listening to him. He has a wealth of experience and knowledge and wants to share so much.

Although I am not sure why he has entered my room, I don’t have to know why. I just need to accept the blessing as it is. I feel quite sure that this soul sees me – sees me for who I am; even if I am not quite sure who that is. He is holding a space for my BEing and I need to reciprocate and give my attention, mind, and peace to him when he is in my room.

Enter my room, my face will light up...

Do you believe that an image is worth a thousand words? What about actions speak louder than words?

As I make a transition in my life; and face some of the decisions ahead of me, my views are constantly evolving. And my approach to life is ever-evolving as well. Everything that that happens “to” us happens for a reason. When I heard Toni Morrison speak the words, “When a kid walks into a room, does your face light up?” it made me pause for a moment, rewind the DVR, and listen again.

When someone enters the room, or leaves the room; what do I do? Do I stop what I’m doing and pay heed? Or do I barely acknowledge their entrance entranced in what I am doing? When someone bares their heart to me, do I listen to them – and acknowledge them actively? Or do I somewhat, half-heartedly listen all the while lining up what I will next say??

This I know… my actions toward the people who have entered my room have spoken volumes. Without a single spoken word, the kids have known how I felt about them, the friends have known whether I cared, the loved ones knew I was rooting for them or whether I was somewhere else in my mind. I want my face to light up when someone joins me in my room. I want the people in my life to know I care; not by what I say, but by what I do.

There was a period in my life when every evening my partner came home, or I (finally) made it home, we’d kiss and give a hug. Before rolling over and crashing out each night, I’d tell her I loved her; I am not sure how she felt about my “ritual”. But, I think it is so important to acknowledge my spouse when she comes home from a long day’s work and to come together before we sleep at night and share our love. Not to say those three words: I. love. you.; but to take pause, connect and acknowledge our relationship and our love; to act on the love we share.

From this point forward, I will be especially mindful when people, to include children, “enter the room”. And when they leave, and when they cry, and when they laugh; I will be present and connect with them. It's essential that I learn this lesson and embrace this oppotunity for growth. One of the most self-honoring things I have ever done was leave a career that did not lend itself to living, and I am grateful. For now I have time, space, and perspective to realize how important it is to relish in the small things in life, be present, to pause and take time, to be grateful and show my gratitude as people enter my room.

Healing

As you may know, I am currently facing a lot of pain and tenderness in my left foot. Today, I have an appointment for an MRI.

I have been trying to figure out what emotions I may be having that are not allowing me to heal. What am I holding on to? What haven't I addressed? Or is it just that I need to S L O W down and the Universe is telling me that loud and clear?

Feet - moving forward, foundation, ... Pain ... bringing you to reality, the here and now. I've pulled out all the stops; talked to Archangel Raphael, all the angels, everyone.. been using the tools I have to help my body heal, and.... to no avail. I am still going to get an MRI today.

Path toward healing/being a steward ...

I looked up the CranioSacral Therapy courses at Upledger today and the prerequisite is that one has a healthcare background, is a current student in healthcare, or is ready to be licensed in healthcare. I can get certified to practice it with a few courses that will be very manageable to afford, when the time is right.

So, for right now, I cannot choose the path toward being an ordained minister to follow this path. It is still possible for me to follow the path of ordained minister to be able to do my Reiki. I just need to find the right teacher to help propel me along that route.

Massage Therapy school is still in the future - probably starting in August. Unless I wait until next April and do it during the day, which is possible. I am not ready to do it this April during the day.

Now that these things are out of my mind, I will be able to use my energy to focus on other creative processes.

Thank you Universe.

Today's reflection

As I get silent and open myself to listening, I am gently reminded of the importance of this act. I am not sure what the coming hours will hold, nor the coming days/months/years, but one thing I am sure of is that they will hold exactly what they are meant to.

Current visioning includes the possibility of massage therapy school and returning to university for a master's in counseling. It is amazing the conversations you invoke when you put yourself out there and share with "the most unlikely of persons" what you're visioning for your future.

Last Thursday, I was all set to sign up for massage therapy school to start 11 April for day classes. Lydia and I talked and I was on all but "go"... But Monday night, as I fell into a sickly foggy-headed sleep, I realized I wasn't prepared to give up my "day life" of volunteering and participating on my board to commit to massage therapy school. I had to make a[nother] tough decision.

At a United Way site visit for the board I sit on, I had a really eye-opening, rewarding conversation with someone whom I have not ever (in three years) had such a deep, personal conversation with. It blew me away and I walked away from the conversation (once again) considering returning to university for a master's degree in counseling.

As a Renaissance Soul (and just a plain soul), I am charged with determining what path I am to follow right now. I keep having revelations, conversations, and conducting readings and writings that are leading me to answering this question for the immediate "future", and then new information comes into my ever-loving analytical brain ... and what I really need to focus on is trusting my intuition, trusting my gut.

I tell friends and family (and mere strangers, even) to trust their gut all the time. So why is it I am having a hard time trusting my own? Maybe because my gut tells me all these opportunities/paths will lead to happiness. Pure, divinely-guided happiness. Maybe because I am afraid of closing a door that seems viable and true, and maybe, just maybe it's because I haven't found the path for this moment in this time-space sequence. Or maybe I have and my left brain is still rattling it around and analyzing it...

For now, I return to silence. I return to peace. And I sit as a student listening; waiting for my teacher to appear.

Will this action promote self love?

I've been reading a lot lately, because I have a lot of time to explore, read, do a little "self help" and generally relax... I'm reading about three books right now and each of them is propelling me along this journey I am on...

I realized something lately, that sometimes when we self-sabotage, it can be for a myriad of reasons... fear, insecurity, the list could go on and on. I planted a seed in late January and watered it a little bit, but then kind of gave up on it, abandoned it, never encouraged it any further. And I came across something in one of the books I'm reading about taking a risk/chance every day. Every day? Wow, I said to myself, there are a lot of days ahead of me, and to take a chance every day? I decided I needed to take action on that seed I planted in late January; it had come to my attention that what I needed had changed since the time I planted the seed, but that I still wanted to harvest the fruits of my labor. So I changed focus, and redirected my "watering" efforts and the seed started to grow again... And today, just a short few days later, I am starting to reap the rewards of my efforts. When I got clear about what I needed, the Universe responded in kind. I decided by abandoning the seed I was not engaging in an act of self love, but in an act of self sabotage. And once I chose to act in self love, the Universe so obliged.

Vision boarding...

Today's post comes, most recently, from a book I am reading called, The Right Questions. I've long heard of vision boarding, even had a friend once flowchart-vision board for me while I expressed my passions, interests, short-comings... But, ne'r yet have I managed to create one for myself.

I have a few things I believe I'll focus on, and I will share more as the ideas erupt, but for the time being, I am curious if anyone has created a vision board (or many a vision boards) for themselves or their organization? Also, does anyone want to meet up one weekend, bring their scrapbooking/magazine/anything supplies over to L and my house and make their very own vision board with me?

What do you say?

Things I've "been meaning to do"...

This blog comes to you today because the night after I decided to resign from my job, as I was drifting off to sleep and a thought came to my mind: I want to go visit Aunt Shirley in Florida ... it's something I've been meaning to do...

The day I resigned, three weeks ago today, as I was driving home from work, I phoned a long-time friend-confidante-spirit-sister and before we hung up, she said, "One thing I will suggest, take some time for yourself and do some things that you want to do..."

In the last several days (well, one week to be exact), I have enjoyed many of these things I have been meaning to do. Things I never accomplished, did not have the mental or physical energy to do while working in my last very-demanding-not-very-fulfilling corporate job. It's funny; you get a real mixed reaction when you tell people you resigned from your position and now you're filling your life with things you want to do versus your life being filled with things you have to do. The older folks seem to understand (I'm generalizing here, I know). The fearful ones instantly break out in a cold sweat and a somewhat-half-shaped smile crosses their face, "You what???". Your friends know you have been unhappy, and most of them don't convey their shock, even if they harbor some.. Then you have other friends who pat you on the back, put their shoulder under your arm, lend their ear and say, "Atta girl! Good for you!" ...

Something I've been meaning to do ... One - Volunteer for Junior Achievement. I have been to the JA office two times in as many days and it feels GREAT! I shared with one of the other volunteers telling her I had recently resigned my position in the corporate world to pursue my passions in life... she got a big smile across her face and said, "That's wonderful.." I have two 4th grade classes on board that I'll be teaching in the next two week; 5 lessons, and I cannot wait!

Yesterday was a fun day full of doing more things I've yet to do... I went to SEARS to pick up a vacuum brush (that's been on "the list" for at least 6 months), then to the library, picked up groceries, and made it home by noon to start preparing a few meals. I got Ann's Chicken started in the crockpot, then started some chile verde on the stove. I even got creative and made two batches of chile verde --one for Lyd and one gluten-free (it was an experiment that went pretty well), then I baked some chicken drumettes we had in the fridge. Around 4pm, I realized I needed to finish up the Ann's Chicken, start some steamed rice, and prepare the burritos. Well, the Ann's chicken was ready for some white wine so I opened up a bottle we had in the fridge and, off and away! I figured I would serve the white wine with dinner, since the bottle was already chilled. Then I started a fire... it was a perfect night for a fire. This was another thing that I had been meaning to do for months. I kept meaning to pick up firestarter logs, and well, then, I kept meaning to get up early to get to work so I could get home early, so I could start the fire and there could eventually be coals for roasting marshmallows.. well, you know how it goes... Anyway, when Lydia got home, I had two wonderful meals prepared and she got to pick which one appealed to her. I can't tell you how long it's been since I really got to unleash my creativity in the kitchen, and boy did it feel good... And the marshmallows roasted over the coals of the fire, boy did they taste good ...

Today's experience in doing something I wanted to do was two fold (well, many fold, as I'll share in a moment) -- but one thing that warmed my heart unexpectedly multiplied into two, and then three.. After leaving the JA office, I took off to deliver some Ann's Chicken to my mother-in-law's fridge. Only upon arriving, I found my key did not work... So I dropped by her neighbor's house, Ms. Joyce, and borrowed her key. When I returned it, she invited me in and made me a cup of hot chocolate. (She even had marshmallows.) I think she needed (and enjoyed) the company, but to be quite honest I probably needed it more. I love older people; there is something so peaceful and heart-warming to me about them. She asked if it was my day off, and I said, well.... no; that I'd resigned my job and was setting out to find my heart's work/my passion.... and do you know what she said? "Ohhhh, God's going to bless you!!!" It was such a wonderful visit. She is a sweat lady and has a precious little puppy and I am so glad I was able to stay for a visit, and not have to rush to the next item on "the list". When I was talking with her, something she said gave me an idea for a service project/non profit that I'm in the throes of researching (stay tuned).

"The list" keeps getting shorter and shorter, and I keep getting happier and happier. I love all the time I have to read books, work and re-work my resume, look for exciting jobs (and journal about why the job is appealing to me), do the laundry as I please, clean the kitchen when I want.... It's awesome that when the creative mood strikes me, I get to do it (whatever it is), and for a long time now, that creative mood's been gone...

Thank God it's back.

Music and My Life (Part 1)

This is a re-post from a bit ago; something happened in Blogger and I could not edit it. So here I am re-typing it for your enjoyment.

(This post is inspired by my sister-in-law's post Soundtrack to an Ordinary Life, and her inspiration, Adam's, post.)

As I go through this transition in my life, this turning of a new leaf, if you will, I am consistently brought forward through others' insights, writings and musical offerings.

In this day an age of always-available entertainment, youtube, Myspace band pages, and the like, one can almost always find that one song we're craving to hear...

As I determine what the next step will be for me, I am humbled and find myself turning inward. Over the last few days, I have found music on friends' pages, friends' of friends pages, and this music has brought me to this post...

Music is inspirational, funny, sensual, uplifting, thought-provoking, memory-inducing...

When I found Adam's page via Melissa page today, I relished in his offering of music that speaks to him; one of his songs gave me great pause: The Motions by Matthew West. Adam cites it as a song he goes to when reflecting on his life; I cite it as where I am right now. No doubt this song will stay on my go-to list for reflecting on my life, but it is really a godsend given the current state of my affairs. The video is amazing and beautifully paired at several places with the author's poignant hand-written words such as these:

God has something

to say

to us

and through us.

Another video that comes to mind that is wonderful, thought-provoking and emotional is World on Fire by Sarah McLachlan...

Sensual ... Ricky Martin (with Joss Stone) The Best Thing About Me is You...

One of my all-time go-to songs is Whether You Fall by Tracy Bonham. This song came to me when I was in my master's program and has always spoken volumes to me and offered great solace, comfort, tears, and peace... It's our choice, folks, and we're only guaranteed this moment right now, let's get up...

Hey There Delilah - I spent the last 4 years of my life on the road away from my love and my loved ones. This song came to me when I was in Tucson on one of my numerous business trips that year ... A couple coworkers and I went out to grab a bite to eat and a live band was playing this song on a cool, star-lit Tucson night...

When I think of my Dad, Drive by Alan Jackson comes to mind... of my Mom, 26 Cents... "here's a penny for your thoughts, a quarter for the call, and all your Momma's love.." When in college, my Mom sent me this song in a wall-hanging with a penny and a quarter taped to the back (thanks Mom for your creativity and sincerity...)

Songs that bring me back to high school include What I Got (Sublime - parental advisory), Trashy Women (Confederate Railroad; an inside soccer team joke - parental advisory), Glory Days (The Boss), and Why Can't We be Friends (Smash Mouth)...

Here's the song I heard the day the Universe (thankfully) threw a brick at my head and I cried myself silly all the way home from work and decided to resign, once and for all ... Firework by Katy Perry...

With that, I'll close for now... Won't you share songs that you really enjoy?