As I took off on my new path toward the healing arts, I started practicing Reiki daily. About 5 days into my new "daily" practice, I met the spirit that would be come my new Reiki Teacher. I met her in mid-April, I'd say. She told me of a Level II attunement she'd be holding at the end of May and offered for me to join. I knew if I wanted to join, I would need to continue with the daily practice I had sought out on and continued practicing - mostly on myself, but sometimes on Syd and Lyd.
So, throughout the foot process, I have been practicing Reiki daily -- prior to surgery, following surgery, prior to the stitches being removed ... you get the picture. Having the stitches removed envoked a terrbile burning, pulling, stretching sensation. The nurse started at the bottom of my wound and worked her way toward the top; being patient with me along the way. As we got to the middle of the wound, there was a particularly painful stitch. I asked the nurse to move up the toe and come back for that one later after she tried it twice to no avail (and plenty of pain). As she moved on to the subsequent stitches, I kept deep breathing, praying and saying to myself, (outloud, no less) “It will be over in a few seconds, It will be over in a few seconds”… Instead of really feeling through the pain and the experience, I was wishing it away…
Only I would not know this until several days later.
One night, following the stitches removal, I was practicing Reiki on myself as I drifted off to sleep (such is a normal occurrence for me). In a moment of intuition, I decided to allow any leftover pain in my foot leave me. No sooner was the intention completed, I felt this burning sensation by my big toe knuckle – the same painful sensation I’d had during the removal of the “worst” stitch. The burning felt much like it did that day; it was almost like I was reliving it. I worked through it (it even made me break a sweat) and eventually drifted off to sleep. I didn’t think too much about it until I was with my Reiki Teacher on the day of my Level II attunement.
On the day of the attunement, I showed up early (or, on time, as it were) and was blessed with time to download with my Reiki Teacher – sharing with her about my surgery, the pain, etc., and how I felt about some of the different aspects of my healing process. I told her about the pain I experienced when the stitches were removed and how the nurse was very patient with me. I also shared with her my decision to let go of the pain in the foot during a self Reiki session and told her how it was like I was reliving the experience. (ps.. I'd never opened myself up to this type of healing before, it was a Divine instinct to even try it) She acknowledged my experience and shared a couple insights with me.
First she spoke of really feeling the pain. This immediately grabbed my attention – when the stitches were removed, I was so worried about controlling my emotions and not crying (yes, crying), I didn’t really feel the pain… When I “relived” the pain, I actually felt through it (all of it) and I was able to let it go.
Then my Teacher told me about how one can have a relationship with the pain – such as what can I learn from the pain/experience or what does the pain have to tell me?
Since the removal of the stitches, the eventual healing experience, and the subsequent conversation with my Reiki Teacher, I have had appointments that challenged my nerves, patience, ability to stay present in the moment, and willingness to feel any "pain" that may erupt. And I have to say, I am pretty proud of what I’ve learned about myself and how far I’ve come.
I am an emotional being. That may never change. And I am not going to change that about myself to “fit in” or to not make someone else uncomfortable (e.g., nurse, doctor, practitioner). The experience is my soul's experience – to be experienced how no other soul would. And I've decided I am no longer going to censor myself or my emotions for the sake of things of the ego (embarrassment, pride, to name two) or to presumably ensure someone else's comfort. My feelings and emotions deserve expression just the same as the next person’s.
It is my intention that people who Enter My Room will be able to express themselves; that I may create a safe space for them to be and to possibly even heal.
Archangel Raphael has been so wonderful to come to my side each time I have asked him to (my freewill) throughout this journey. I haven't had a consistent relationship with him for many years, but the last 6 months of my life have been so rich, rewarding and healing with him by my side. Again, I know I am on the right path - a path full of lessons in (and opportunities for) healing.
Namaste’,
Shanna
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